Non-Awkward Ways To Start And End Networking Conversations

When I first started attending networking events, I was terrified to approach large groups of strangers. I watched some of my peers dive into these situations with ease, and wondered how on earth they made it look so natural. Meanwhile, I found myself sitting awkwardly alone, clutching a cocktail, and desperately brainstorming conversation topics.

Fortunately, I’ve improved my networking skills over the years, and am much less likely now to stick out like a sore thumb at events. I’ve learned that the most important part of successful networking is to have a good icebreaker to start a conversation and a smooth closing statement for when you’re ready to move on.

Here are a few inside tips to help you master the art of starting and ending those tricky conversations:

Opening Lines

To Start a Conversation

A simple introduction can transition into a solid conversation if you’re willing to share a bit about yourself right off the bat.

Try: Hi, I’m Jessica and I work in the PR department at Company X. My role has been super challenging lately because of all the new regulations around paid placements in media spots. Have you been dealing with that, too?

To Make a Friend

A big event can be a lot more fun (and a lot less intimidating) if you can find a pal to stick by your side. Asking someone to explore different areas with you is a nice way to talk with less pressure.

Try: Hi, have you been to the silent auction table yet? I’m heading over there now and would love some company.

To Get Advice

If you’re interested in a new opportunity or area of work, networking is a great way to get more information. Don’t be afraid to ask someone candid questions after giving some background on why you’re interested.

Try: Hi, I see that you work at Company X. I’ve always been interested in their work, and recently saw a position open up that I’m thinking about applying to. Do you have any advice for me? What’s it like working there?

To Get Your Bearings

Large conferences and events can be pretty overwhelming. If you’re a first-time attendee, approaching someone for assistance can be an easy way to start a conversation. Look for someone who seems familiar with the scene and ask for an insider tip.

Try: Hi, I’ve never been to this event before. You look like a regular—any tips you could give me on what to expect? What are the best sessions here?

To Lighten the Mood

When in doubt, ask a question to prompt a conversation. Stick with light, generic topics, and offer them with a smile.

Try: How many people do you think are here? Can you believe we have to wear these awful nametags? Were you here last year when the keynote speaker was late?

Parting Ways

The icebreakers above can be the launching pad you need to start networking and feel more comfortable in an unfamiliar situation. But unless you’re lucky enough to stumble into your soul mate at a trade show, you’ll eventually need a natural way to exit a conversation. A good rule of thumb is to talk for five to 10 minutes—and then move on.

Here are some closing statements that are polite, but still get the point across that it’s time to hit the road:

To Exit Gracefully

Sometimes, even when you’ve met someone interesting, the time comes when you’re ready to peruse the rest of the event. This is a great time to hand off one of those business cards burning a hole in your pocket.

Try: Steve, it was really a pleasure speaking with you. I’m going to take a look at some of the other exhibits here, but if I don’t run into you later, I hope to see you at another event soon.

To Connect Later On

When someone you’ve met seems like a valuable contact, make sure you exchange information before you part. You can even suggest a future meetingto speak one-on-one.

Try: Margaret, I have to head out right now, but I really enjoyed learning more about your work. Could I get your contact info to schedule a time for us to finish our conversation?

To Plan a Follow-up Date

If you think that you’ll run into a new contact at another upcoming event, why not plan to attend together? This helps you build a relationship with a good connection and can help you feel more comfortable at that next event.

Try: I had a great time talking with you—are you planning to go to the expo next month? It seems like something that would be relevant to both of us, so maybe we could go together.

To Get Advice and Get Out the Door

A new contact can be a valuable resource, but that doesn’t mean you need a shadow all night. When it’s time to part ways, be honest that you’d like to follow up at a later date, and then say a polite goodbye.

Try: Mike, I’m in a tricky stage in my career and wonder if I could pick your brain for advice over lunch some time soon. I need to say hello to a few others here, but can we plan to connect next week?

To Just Flee the Scene

Sometimes, you end up talking to someone who really isn’t that pleasant or interesting. I once got trapped in an endless conversation about uses for old dryer sheets (I wish I was kidding). When you’re struggling for more conversation and need a reprieve, be kind, but assertive.

Try: Laura, it’s been great getting to know you, but I need to say hello to a few more folks around here. I hope you have a great evening.

Networking isn’t always smooth sailing, and most of us have at least a few awkward experiences to share. But learning how to start and close conversations is one of the best ways to master this important skill. With any luck, you’ll make some connections, you’ll find some event buddies, and you’ll gain some helpful professional resources.

Networking Mistakes You Don’t Know You’re Making

hether you’re looking for a job or not, you’ve probably been encouraged to “network, network, network!” more times than you can count. Are all those conferences and events you’re attending leading to new connections or opportunities?

No? You’re not the only one. Many networking newbies have tendencies that actually inhibit building real relationships with their new contacts.

The good news: it’s not that hard to fix. Here’s what you might not even realize you’re doing wrong—and what to do about it.

Mistake #1: Talking about Yourself—All the Time

You’re talented! Eager! Ambitious! You have lots of ideas to share! And you want to make sure that every person you meet at the event knows who you are and what you do!

We get it. And yes, sharing your story with new contacts is important. But sharing your life storyis overkill: Nothing can set a person off more than an aspiring professional who takes no interest in anything beside her own ambitions.

The Fix: Take Some Interest. Stop highlighting your latest accomplishment and start listening instead. Find people with industries or careers of interest to you, and ask them questions: How did they get their start? What do they love about their jobs, and what do they wish they could change? By taking an interest in your contact, you will make her feel valued—and hopefully interested in continuing the relationship. And you’ll likely gain some new insights, too.

Mistake #2: Expecting a Job

You’re looking for a new job, so you hit the circuit of industry events every week, asking every person you meet to help you find your new gig—after all, it’s not what you know, it’s who.

Well, yes. But give people some credit: If you pursue networking opportunities purely for the job prospects, your contacts will figure you out. You will leave them feeling used, and they will be less likely to recommend you for an opportunity.

The Fix: Provide Some Value. If you’re looking for a job, don’t ask for it—work for it. Do some research into what your contact does both in and out of work and find ways that you can contribute your time or support. Perhaps you could volunteer your expertise in social media for the big convention she’s heading up, or offer your accounting knowledge for her non-profit. Provide some opportunity for contacts to see you in a working light, and you’ll be that much closer to a good referral.

Mistake #3: Not Saying Thanks

You attended a large event last week and grabbed coffee with one of your new professional contacts afterward. And then—the week got busy, and you didn’t get around to saying thank you. She’ll understand, right?

Maybe. But if you don’t show gratitude, even in the smallest (or largest) event, you risk leaving a negative impression—probably not the desired outcome of your meeting.

The Fix: Just Do It. Whether you pack notecards in your purse for post-meeting scribbles, set yourself a reminder on Gmail to send off a quick note, or just insert a quick “thanks for taking time to meet with me!” at the final handshake, you must say thank you. Not only will you solidify your reputation as a courteous individual, but you won’t be leaving your contacts with a bad taste in their mouths. Always say thank you, and your good impression will last until your next meeting.

Mistake #4: Forgetting to Follow Up

You meet someone over a networking happy hour and tell her you’ll send her your portfolio. But as the night goes on, she has a few drinks and meets a few dozen more people. You’re sure she’s forgotten all about you, so you decide it’s not even worth emailing her the next day.

Bad idea. Meeting someone is just the first step in networking. In order to forge a lasting relationship (and make sure people don’t forget you), you need to follow up, every single time.

The Fix: Stay Accountable. If you told a networking contact that you would do something, do it. Even if you’re not sure she remembers you, you can bet that she will be grateful that you took the time out of your day to send her what you had discussed. If you’re worried about forgetting, keep a pen near your business card holder to quickly scribble out what follow-up actions you have for that contact, and review your cards after the event.

Above all, keep in mind that networking isn’t about short-term gain, but about learning, growing, and forming connections. Adopt good social habits, and you’ll see your skills and comfort improve, your opportunities increase, and your relationships grow—for the long haul.

Make a Good Impression in 30 Seconds

Here in the U.S., the Super Bowl this weekend showed us the power of 30-second advertisements, and how influential they can be in promoting a company's awareness. But how often do we craft our own 30-second spots with audiences that we want to influence?

Most of us are not in the business of making TV commercials, but in conversations there is almost always a 30-second moment that can make the meeting memorable.

Malcolm Gladwell touches on this phenomenon in his book, Blink. He talks about "thin-slicing," or "the ability of our unconscious to find patterns in situations and behavior based on very narrow slices of experience." He explains how too much information can cloud an individual's ability to accurately analyze a situation, and how "in good decision making, frugality matters." In other words, mini-impressions do count. And although you never get a second chance to make a first impression, you do get many chances to make the next impression.

So how do you turn your moment into an award-winning spot? Let's look to advertisers for guidance:

Capture your audience's attention. Think about one of your favorite commercials (or you can pick one from the game). Which part of that commercial stays with you? What technique did the advertiser use to draw you in — humor, aesthetics, emotions, surprise, or something else? Think about how you could incorporate that technique into your next important conversation.

Convey a clear message. Consider the key message for the target audience. What did the company try to convey, and how did the advertiser use that to connect with viewers? How did they frame the message to make this point? Now, think about your own messaging — what is the most critical takeaway you would like your viewers to receive? How might you deliver your message to ensure your audience walks away with this understanding?

Focus on differentiation. Think about what distinguishes your advertiser from the rest. How did the company use the commercial to portray its unique brand? Think about the same for yourself: What sets you apart from others? How can you highlight your distinctive qualities?

When you combine these three elements, you've got the potential for an influential "spot." The key is having these components ready so that you can recall them when needed. For example, the best salespeople are always prepared to connect with potential customers who say that they don't have time to talk. Similarly, the best leaders often are not those who speak the longest or the loudest, but those who convey their ideas in a memorable way, and can do it over and over again.

Our world is filled with noise, information, and distractions; so having someone's undivided attention — even for 30 seconds — is an opportunity that shouldn't be wasted. If you can use those 30 seconds to capture their attention, deliver your message, and distinguish yourself from others, you're likely to be heard, understood, and remembered. What sponsor wouldn't want that?

5 Critical Thinking Types

This type of strategic leadership requires five different types of thinking. Knowing when and how much to utilize each one is the hallmark of great leaders.

1. Critical thinking is the mental process of objectively analyzing a situation by gathering information from all possible sources, and then evaluating both the tangible and intangible aspects, as well as the implications of any course of action.
2. Implementation thinking is the ability to organize ideas and plans in a way that they will be effectively carried out.
3. Conceptual thinking consists of the ability to find connections or patterns between abstract ideas and then piece them together to form a complete picture.
4. Innovative thinking involves generating new ideas or new ways of approaching things to create possibilities and opportunities.
5. Intuitive thinking is the ability to take what you may sense or perceive to be true and, without knowledge or evidence, appropriately factor it in to the final decision.

Until recently, most leaders could get by with critical and implementation thinking. But in today’s hyper-fast world, conceptual, innovative and intuitive thinking have becoming increasingly important, especially in industries where frenetic change represents the rule rather than the exception.

Business leaders still need to gather and analyze data, make decisions, and implement them well. But now they have to take in vast amounts of data from a more diverse array of sources. They have to make decisions much more quickly. And they have to do it knowing that everything could change overnight.

In such an environment, the ability to ponder possibilities, see patterns and connections that others don’t see, and look at the same data in new and different ways represents a formidable competitive advantage.

Some leaders seem to be born with these intuitive types of thinking skills. But since most of us are not so naturally gifted, here are some suggestions for developing these essential leadership skills.

• Take time to look around. Browse business websites and read related publications to learn how other organizations have implemented various strategies in order to increase their competitive advantage.
• Be willing to change directions and/or pursue new goals when strategic opportunities arise. Think about what is keeping you on the same path and force yourself to ponder whether or not you should shift plans. Consider worst-case scenarios.
• When problems arise, don’t settle for a quick fix. Instead, carefully look at the problem and take the time to analyze all possible solutions. Create a checklist for yourself to trigger thoughts on long-term consequences and possibilities.
• Help others in the organization feel that they are part of the overall mission and strategies by discussing it with them frequently and involving them as much as possible.
• Pause and view your situation from another perspective – that of an employee, customer, supplier, etc.
• Research and analyze your company’s major competitors. Create a detailed profile of each one and share it with your team. Constantly look for first-hand data rather than relying on anecdotal information.
• Engage in “what-if” thinking. For example, “If we do this, how will our competitors respond? What will our customers think? What impact will this have on our suppliers and distributors? What if there is something we have not considered?”
• Expand your data sources to include areas totally outside your business or industry. Analyze other industries to see what they’re doing well and how that could be adapted to your business.

Most of all, get in the habit of stimulating your mind by not thinking about your business. From time to time, go outside your office and take a walk. Turn off your processing and just soak in the sights, sounds, and scents of the environment. Let your mind wander, and allow yourself the luxury of daydreaming. You’ll be amazed at what you can come up with simply by shifting out of the critical/implementation thinking modes from time to time.

The human brain is a powerful leadership tool. It works even better when you use all five thinking types!

Power of Networks

How many times do you say to yourself that you need to meet more people? That your circle of influence needs to be strengthened?  That your skills and talents have yet to be discovered?  Your career requires you to network and in today’s marketplace you must be more active than ever.  But networking requires planning. An approach that is strategic and measurable; that you can learn from each time you introduce yourself to a new crowd or reacquaint yourself with an old one.    If you are strategic and view networking through an opportunity lens, it can serve as a powerful professional development boot camp experience.

Networking demands that you test your ideas, hone your ability to communicate and improve your executive presence. Networking is a full-time job and the more time you dedicate to it – the more you will learn what works for you and against you.  The more you procrastinate, the more you will find yourself disconnected from the opportunities that may potentially advance your career or allow you to meet the right people.  Procrastination will take you back a few steps and you will lose the competitive edge that comes with meeting new people, gathering knowledge, and observing others that have mastered networking.

Networking is not easy.   For some, it’s like having to take a required class in college that you had no interest in, but had to complete in order to graduate. Remember, in business and in life – success is earned from learning how to do things that you don’t like doing.

Networking requires 100% commitment.   You don’t need to be naturally outspoken to be successful in networking environments.  However, you do need to be prepared to deliver value when called upon. In other words, when it’s your turn to say something – make it count.

Networking is a responsibility and it requires active behavior.  You must be extremely engaged about what others are saying.  It’s not about you, but about how well you integrate your voice and perspectives into conversations. What matters most to those who are listening? Your audience will serve to help you connect the dots of opportunity and potentially act as an enabler for you.

The best networking takes place when you don’t know the title or influence of those you are networking with.  Most people don’t like networking because they don’t feel safe in environments where you are forced to meet new people – especially those who may serve in roles of greater influence and power.

But when you are focused on communicating with a person and not a title – it always amazes me how confident people grow.  At one conference, I remember participating in a discussion that included several highly influential senior executives.  In the group, there was a younger person who wasn’t aware of the titles that the people in the conversation held.

This person was funny, shared great stories and was highly articulate. When she asked for our business cards, she realized that one of the people in the group was a CEO of a Fortune 100 company. She quickly responded in shock and began to apologize for her opinionated and outspoken behavior.  Though she felt obligated to apologize, there was no need to do so.

When we are just ourselves, we are most natural in how we express our points of view. We are most effective at communicating and establishing a positive first impression.  Hierarchy or rank shouldn’t define your approach and style; it should only make you more aware of the types of topics or issues that should be discussed.

Networking is both an art and a science.  But in the end – networking should be fun, exciting and a rewarding approach to advancement. The more you network – with a positive outlook – the more you will learn.  And if you’re always learning, you are growing and thus developing yourself – especially your interpersonal communication skills.  Once you have become a pro at networking, you can begin to share your experiences, tips and tricks with others.

Here are 7 reasons networking can become a powerful professional development boot camp.

#1: Peer-Learning.

While in a networking environment, you can learn a tremendous amount from others. The power of observation is in full force. Think of networking as a focus group. Be aware of what works best for you and what doesn’t.  Learn how to improve by observing those around you.

#2: You Must Always Be Ready. 

Networking can’t be forced. If you try to force it, it rarely goes anywhere. Engaging in dialogue with new people requires you to be quick on your feet and ready for responses and reactions to the conversations around you.  If you are caught off guard, you may find yourself in an uncomfortable situation.  Be active and ready for engagement.  You are either an active networker or not. There is nothing in the middle. We know what happens when people fall asleep at the wheel.

#3: Take Notes While You Network.  

Just as when you are being trained for something, retention comes from taking good notes.  Gather intelligence about yourself and others.  Think of yourself as part of a think-tank.  Be diligent and take note of what you are contributing and how you can improve.  I have learned that people take notice when you are taking notes and it opens the door for more spontaneous conversations.

#4: Ask Non-Traditional Questions.

When you are being trained, you may be asked to apply new knowledge to a situational analysis. This is a great way to apply what you have learned immediately to a real life scenario.  In networking, apply your knowledge in the form of non-traditional questions.  Get people to discover something deeper about what you know by asking them a question they wouldn’t expect. For example, at a conference I once spoke following a world renowned economist, who was presenting his views regarding economic recovery.  Before I took the stage, there was short break and we found ourselves in the green room together.  So I asked him the following question: “How can we all be so optimistic about economic recovering when we – the people in the United States – have not been taught how to survive?”  A non-traditional question led to a relationship that remains strong to this day.

#5: Put Your Personal Brand to the Test.

Networking is a discovery platform and a great way to give your personal brand more exposure.  Always be prepared to unleash your identity so that others will remember you.  Be careful that you are not overly deliberate or focused solely on self-promotion. But seize the opportunity, too. When you walk away from the conversation, those around you should know the following about your personal brand:

• Your enduring idea.

• What differentiates you from others.

• The experience you leave behind.

• Whom you serve.

#6: Continue the Conversation.

If the dialogue and exchange were worthwhile, invite those you have met to continue the conversation.  This can be done both onsite and online (or both).  To get started, send a follow-up email with a link to an article or whitepaper that supports something they were interested in.  Or you can expand upon your conversation by sending a presentation that showcases your unique point of view while supporting their ideas and ideals.

Reconnect at lunch, invite them to another networking function, or get connected online via LinkedIn, Twitter, Google+, Facebook or another favorite social networking tool.  You can also invite them to join your LinkedIn or Facebook group.  The point is that in taking the lead to continue the conversation, you are the catalyst for opportunity. You are testing the longer term relationship that can form from the networking encounter.

#7: Hold Yourself Accountable.

And finally: Follow-up, follow-up, follow-up.  Each conversation is an opportunity and only you can gauge it. Think of yourself as a project manager responsible for identifying the next steps, who is responsible for what, and defining the outcomes and desired results. Being accountable will help you to sustain the momentum that you have built up in the first six steps.